Sunday, April 15, 2012

...important public service announcement

Trust me, thinking is easier with one's feet up

I have neither the time nor energy to address every situation on a moment's notice. Therefore, I am listing my responses en masse to recent encounters. Take what you need or want. Leave the rest. Please.

A lovely illusion is a delusion in high heels.

Nothing in life is free, especially those opportunities that claim to be.

If I hold sway over you, something is seriously wrong with the equation. Choices and consequences and lessons learned are exclusive property of the owner. You'll figure out your way if you listen to that quiet voice of the spirit. You'll make mistakes and, if you have the courage to own them, you'll make a life. One step at a time. Faith. 

That last one reminded me that I still want those earrings George Michael wore in his "Faith" video...way, way fabulous. But I digress.

If I say, "I can't [do, go, participate]", don't take it personally. I subscribe to the belief that we all have the right to say "no" from time to time.  Oh, and one more thing: your " but yes" doesn't over-ride my "no"... in case i was a tad vague. We are all expendable.

Put away the smart phone, the computer, FB for at least an hour a day. Increase this prescription weekly. Quiet and space. See my last post. 

Dance in the kitchen when a good song plays. In your head or on the radio. 

Do not walk around with a toothpick in your mouth. You might run into me and skewer me. 

Do NOT apply deodorant to your underarms, Miss Blue Silk Strapless Dress with the Boat Load of Rhinestones, while posing for prom pictures in the foyer of a nice restaurant. That's why God created bathrooms. At your house. Or Motel 6. 

Even I am stunned by the need to include the previous two entries. However, since a dear, genteel friend was exposed to these unfortunate choices last night, I decided to be painfully specific to spare others. Note to guilty parties: redundancy could prove fatal to the perpetrator. A copy of Miss Manners hurled at high speed packs a wallop.

Do NOT eat dinner at a restaurant, no matter how nice, that is filled with toothpick-wielding, post-prom types whose subscriptions to US Magazine and People should be cancelled ASAP.

Young man, if you are considering marriage to the afore-mentioned Miss BSSDWTBLOR, wait six months. A minimum. Watch (at least) six episodes a day of "Bridezilla" and "Say Yes to the Dress". A minimum. You'll thank me. Refer to the next item.

Write thank-you notes. The afore-mentioned Miss Manners would be verklempt over a text message or an email, but I am a rational woman. A simple acknowledgment is a good start. Consider, though, how nice it is to receive an envelope addressed in cursive. One that doesn't have a bill in it. 

If you want to compare your insides to my outsides, go right ahead.  I won't lose any sleep. But you might. I can, however, suggest a couple of really good under-eye concealers.

Walk in the rain. Count it as your bath even. But not in a lightning storm. If you think that last one is too obvious, look in the mirror and say "Lee Trevino". Twice.

For you golfers out there: "If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron." This from Lee Trevino. He learned the hard way. At both ends of the stick.

Study history and civics. Shhhhhh. Just do it. ALL our lives depend upon it.

Good manners trump is real, the other a lie.

It IS possible to be disciplined AND happy. Really. The two are not mutually exclusive

Say grace. 

Count blessings, not slights. 

Love yourself. Laugh at yourself. Love others. Do not laugh at them

There is more where this came from but dinner calls. Be alert for further notices.

Thank you for your attention and have a nice day.... :-)

Sincerely yours,

1 comment:

Charles Van Gorkom said...

I am laughing and in awe: a mixture of emotions I've never known before!